


Stories of Murder and Woe

by rhymer23



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Death, Gen, Humor, Limericks, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 12:57:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2151567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhymer23/pseuds/rhymer23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For stories of murder and woe<br/>That kill all our friends from the show,<br/>Where death is the norm<br/>In a limerick form,<br/>Just click on the link there below.*</p><p>* Or here, on the site AO3 / the link's up above, do you see?<br/>I've warned for the dying / but doubt you'll be crying -<br/>I hope you'll be laughing with glee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stories of Murder and Woe

**Author's Note:**

> Written 2007 in response to a flashfic challenge on LJ, calling (IIRC) for stories about death.

For stories of murder and woe, that kill all our friends from the show,  
Where death is the norm, in a limerick form,  
Just click on the link there below.

But, reader, before you proceed, ensure that these warnings you read:  
There's **Death!** but no kissing, and spoilers are missing*;  
It's PG (so, parents, take heed.)

The small print: The rhymes herein work when read aloud in the author's native accent. If they do not work in your own accent, please return them to the author, describing in sonnet form what doesn't work for you, and enclosing a proof of purchase, and the money you spent on them will be refunded.

* Except for the season four cast.  
Now, onto the story at last.

Teyla, who did not dress appropriately

There was a young lady called Teyla.  
One day, many foes did assail her,  
She tripped on her skirt,  
And the foes were alert,  
And leapt at the chance to impale her.

Moral: Battles are as often won by wardrobes as by force of arms

The tale of Ronon, who was far too fond of knives

There once was a fellow called Ronon,  
Whose pockets with weapons were groanin'  
While sheathing a knife,  
He missed, lost his life,  
Which caused lots of blood-stained bemoanin'.

Moral: Look before you sheathe 

 

Little Johnny and his hair

Although he professed not to care,  
John Sheppard was proud of his hair.  
Alone, far from home,  
He pulled out a comb,  
When there, from its lair, leapt a bear. 

Moral: It isn't just fangirls that find Sheppard tasty

 

In which Radek touches something he shouldn't 

A fellow called Radek (he's Czech),  
Once handled some strange Ancient tech.  
The tech it went "boom!"  
And then all the room  
With Radek, in bits, was bedecked. 

Moral: Secondary characters can be killed by things that main characters shrug off. Be aware of this, and act accordingly.

 

Chuck, who worked too hard

There was a technician called Chuck,  
Who, busy with work, didn't duck,  
While out from the Gate  
Burst some Genii, irate,  
And shot him. His last word was "drat."

Moral: If it took your boss two years to know your name, don't bother working too hard

 

Keller, who was new

There was a young doctor called Keller,  
But people neglected to tell her,  
That Wraith liked to munch  
On humans for lunch,  
So, withered, she died in the cellar.

Moral: Before accepting a new job, make sure that your employer has a good orientation scheme for new employees. 

 

Lorne, who fancied himself a painter

There once was a major called Lorne,  
Who got up to paint rosy dawn,  
But, stupid with sleep,  
He fell into the Deep,  
And nobody knew where he'd gorn.

Moral: You can live without art, but can't live without sleep

 

Carter, who died in a bizarrely fascinating fashion

There was a smart woman called Carter  
Who – "No!" exclaimed Rodney, "I'm smarter.  
Again and again,  
With the power of my brain,  
I've saved all your lives like a martyr."

~~Moral: Do not tangle with hamsters~~

Moral: When Rodney McKay starts talking, not even death can get a word in edgeways.

 

The sad story of McKay; or, "We'll see about that," said Death

A very smart man called McKay  
Who always had plenty to say,  
Once fell off a cliff,  
'Tween a "but" and an "if",  
And, silent, remains to this day. 

~~Moral: Even people with two PhDs need to watch where they put their feet~~

Moral: When Death comes for someone else, it is best to keep your mouth shut.

 

Caldwell, who couldn't be rhymed

A colonel was called… well, was Caldwell,  
He carried off "manly and bald" well,  
But a space kangaroo  
Went and slaughtered his crew,  
So Caldwell the Bald on his sword fell.

Moral: If you're inconsiderate enough to have a name that's virtually impossible to rhyme, expect a ridiculous death.


End file.
